The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
Randomize
