I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
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