I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
she told me i tasted like america
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
Randomize
