Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
Randomize
