not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
Randomize
