My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
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