That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
Randomize
