I CAN MOONWALK!
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Randomize
