We won't sleep together?
Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
