The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
I supernannyed him into submission
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
Randomize
