Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
Randomize
