I'm pants shitting drunk right now
summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
Bts the comment you were making during that picture was "look we have penises"
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
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