This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
Randomize
