Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
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