why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
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