some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
Randomize
