Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize
