I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
This can only be settled by a dance off.
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
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