it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
I think I have vodka in my lungs
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
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