Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
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