i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
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