forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
Randomize
