Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
Randomize
