i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
i came on her dog
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
Randomize
