You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
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