theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
Randomize
