thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
Randomize
