Its okay if i dont like him.his junk is just too good to resist.model penis,lame guy.
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
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