I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
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