i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
Randomize
