I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
Randomize
