someone get that fucking seahorse.
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
Randomize
