Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
Randomize
