Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
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