i don't really know how much tequila is too much
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
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