i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
Randomize
