i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
Randomize
