In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
Picture Ja Rule and 50 Cent having a sexy full grown love child son...He's on my bus right now, wearing an outside jacket with no shirt underneath. My fashion sense and libido are fighting it out.I'll keep you posted on who wins.
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Randomize
