I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
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