I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
Randomize
