dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
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