So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
Randomize
