Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
