I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
Randomize
