Have you finally orgasmed yet?
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
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