we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
Randomize
