I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
Randomize
