she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
Randomize
