U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
Randomize
