There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
Randomize
