Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
