I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
we should paint friendship bongs
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Randomize
