I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
Randomize
