Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
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