WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
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